john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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