Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
