I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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