This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
