Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
