that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
