I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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