come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
