Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
