Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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