she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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