Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
