I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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