My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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