i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
