Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
