Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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