Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
