Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
