I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
