you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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