redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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