So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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