last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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