i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
