Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
