I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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