I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
