Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
