The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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