Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
