I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize