maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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