i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
