Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
