I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
