Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
