I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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