mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
