Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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