Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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