The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize