accomplished twins. life is a go
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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