at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
