You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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