He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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