I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
