Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
