Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
