listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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