I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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