I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Having a random hookup so left but love u
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize