And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
