doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
