that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
