Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
