New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
