I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
