dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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