oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
