First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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