We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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