Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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