Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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