I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
