I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
i out mim tonsoeep
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