Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
