I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
