i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
