Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
This baby is an asshole
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
