I'm gonna have a badass scar
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
