I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
