i already hear my dad disowning me
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
