Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
