We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize