I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
