Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
i need some magic done to my vagina
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
