just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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