He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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