tell your sister to shave her snatch
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
worst night to have a conscience
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
