Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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