my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
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