Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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