what if every blade of grass was a penis?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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