My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
