I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
