My cat gives me a boner
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
