You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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