my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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