so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
