My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
