if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize