Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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