Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
