I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
