We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
